So I took my first driving lesson this wednesday, and it felt great! Why didn't I take driving lessons earlier? Why didn't I get my g1 earlier? I could have been cruising on the highway by now if I wasn't such a procrastinator. Okay maybe not highways...but normal 70 km/h roads.

Ha ha mom! I wasn't so bad after all eh? It took a lot of convincing but she finally let me drive home from school and boy did I show her I was capable ;) ...well kinda exaggerating but when we came home, dad asked "How was she?" and my mom replied, "Not bad, better than I expected." Translation from chinese mom to english mom... "That was amazing honey! I didn't expect you to be such a safe driver! much better than me and dad when we started".

School is chills. I have such a heavy semester but I really couldn't care less. Still need to make time for desperate housewives and smallville, and oscars for tonight. I figured, what's the point of studying for the bio test 2morow when I forgot my binder at school? Might as well enjoy life. I mean oscars only comes once a year...bio tests...well theres lots more of those left.

I really wanna go to the dance workshop my friend introduced me to downtown. My mom says I already dance too much during the week but she doesn't understand how passionate I am about it. I guess in her eyes its nothing but university for science, math, law, or business. Damn asian parents. Whatever, i love them anyways.

Things I'm looking forward to...

• EUROPE TRIP! Leaving March 10th!!!!! HERE I COME PARIS! HERE I COME SPAIN! AND BARCELONA!
• The basketball buyout, where dance team is dancing for the entire school :D PRESSURE IS ON!
• getting my g2 FINALLY! then I can drive to parties...and this will prevent me from drinking so much at parties.
• summer!

On Friday I went snowboarding the whole day for my school's snowboarding team competition (I only signed up because the club was full...therefore I HAD to race). Everyone there was so pro! All the girls carved around the flags so swiftly and gracefully, while I...looked like a struggling duck with no wings compared to them swans.

here are my excuses for getting #67 out of 90 girls

• I was the only Asian girl out of 90 white girls (Yes I know, I'm being stereotypical)
• I've only been snowboarding for 2 years (I skied before but it was too easy, wanted to try something challenging)
• I just really suck.

The first run I wiped out pretty badly but continued anyway therefore my time was 107 seconds. Second time I didn't wipe out (yay!) and my time was 55 seconds. The combined time determines which place you get.

Oh well, I had the rest of the day to get better =) and not to brag but I was pretty darn good by 4pm. I was even adventurous enough to go into the terrain and do the ramps there. I did get lots of air but the jumps ended miserably (head hitting the snow first). If I didn't have a helmet, I would've certainly gotten a concussion. Even WITH a helmet I felt like my brain was not in its right place after the fall.

I guess watching all the snowboard jocks from the lift do 360's in the air made me think it was really easy! And me, being the over-confident, daring, and reckless girl that I am went ahead to do the crazy ass jumps without thinking of the consequences.

So yesterday I woke up with bruises on my hands, a neck that doesn't turn back to the right, and really sore legs. Not to mention my extremely bruised butt! Well...I've been searching for the bruise on my butt but I can't find it, though I can feel it. Maybe I just have too much fat there and the bruise is buried under all that cellulite.

Can't wait till next time I go! It helped me a lot by taking off the little problems that chase me around in my mind because I was so focused on keeping my ass off the snow (it's like my ass is the magnet and the snow is metal. They love each other!).

You know how parents gossip about their children, because well, we ARE the most important thing in their lives? While all parents boast about their children and the universities they're going to or are attending, my parents do the opposite of boasting for me. Because of all my mom's yappity yap mouth spreading rumors about how I party like crazy, come home late, never do my homework, always on the phone, lie to parents, etc. I've developed a not-so-great-reputation among our family friends.

So when it comes time that time of year...Christmas dinners...I roll my eyes and drag myself to go.

It's hard to picture if you don't come from asian decent. You have all these middle aged women sipping wine and eating foods ranging from chilli-spicy, to wasaby-spicy. You enter and they eye you from head to toe trying to size you up and they linger a bit longer on those exposed legs of yours (I was the only one wearing a skirt above my knee). First comments would either be "Pang le ma!" (you grew fatter) or "Sho le ma!" (you got skinnier).

Then they would ask me about my school, about my future blahblahblah. I say everything's fine of course. But THEN my parents come in. They start telling all the adults about the time my purse got stolen and I lied to them. And when a police officer came to our door, I still did not tell them. *sigh*

It's true I am probably the "funner" one out of the group of kids at the chinese xmas dinner. My personality is more colourful (so I like to think) compared to others who submerge themselves in conversations dealing with their University applications and the various questions Yale or Harvard asked them on their applications.

So all of us kids were off talking about our friends and about how parents love the friends of ours who have good grades (my parents don't care). I tell them "I'm usually the smart one in the group so parents accept me easily". A bunch of giggles is what I get in return.

"YOU!? Well maybe out of YOUR friends. But seriously, my mom thinks you're crazy and tells me to stay away from you. Negative influence she says."

Okay so I held my tongue. But during the 10 seconds that I held my tongue this is what I really wanted to say.

"How about i shove my fist up your ass and we see how long you can remain an arrogant bitch for ?"

I hate people that think they're better than everyone else and carries that aura around with them, even though they're not. I never really do that because looking down means comparing all the good stuff about you with the bad stuff about others...which is an unfair comparison.

Bottom line: I hate old chinese women gossiping about my life and how many boyfriends I go through a year. Obviously they just want something to talk about while they're drunk on Christmas.

TWO weeks off of school!

• all of which I will be studying and doing homework...so I planned
• As we all know, I'm not much of a following the plan type of person

FIVE family friend gatherings!!

• full of oily foods which gives me acne
• old chinese ladies that talk without chewing their foods first
• forced to play lame card games with kids younger than me

ZERO presents!

• on the rocks with bf...rather not drag it longer.
• parents already paid for my snowboard team and europe trip, aint gonna spend any more money on their already spoiled brat (but they'd rather spend $20 on a tiny dog shirt for our even more spoiled Chiwawa)

ZERO parties!

• When you have all these family gatherings, no one is willing to throw a party -_-;;

ONE weird convo with a friend

• Friend for 5 years just asked me out on a date. How effing weird is that? It's hard to reject cuz he's your good friend, but it's awkward to accept.

ANOTHER Awesome Talent Show!

• I performed twice at the talent show ...dancing of course...ha ha imagine me singing 8-)

ONE HECK OF A LOT OF UNCALLED FOR SNOW!

• Then again, this is Canada. We are supposed to live in Igloos and wear snow shoes to get around. Damn...if only I could dig up those snow shoes from my basement. ha
• Snow=white=drowsy=sleepy=asleep

I wish I could've snuck into one of my friend's suitcases and flown to a cruise in Cuba...ohh the white sands, how nice it felt under my toes. And the nice cuban women and men, and the nice fishies under water when I was snorkling...

Ugh snap back to reality.

I'm stuck in a miserable storm in boring old Canada under a tiny roof with a noisy dog. Help?

This past month...

Greese Play at School

Close friend's birthday: Ella

Party at Zain's...so krunked.

Semi formal- me and bf

My closest friends at Semi

Life--a succession of events, a mixtures of emotions, a series of fails, and a small bundle of successes.

I've probably had more successes than fails...okay surely had. I've always been the one everyone looked as so called "perfect" ever since elementary. Good at arts, sports, music, dance, school, and so on. Yes I have to admit, when I was younger, I thought way too highly of myself. Well, what does everyone expect? When you've got 10 guys chasing after you daily, and you are one of the most popular girls in school, and all teachers favor you (some showing it more physically than others) how could I not be at the top of the world?

I'm glad to say I'm not that person anymore. I can't say I don't miss all the attention, that I don't miss being in the spotlight and always being the best. That's what I was used to, but now, I realized how big the world was, how small I looked compared to this world, and how many talented people were out there.

Yes I'm finally embracing the true fact: I used to think the world revolved around me (sometimes still do).

How can I change that though? Aren't spots on a leopard irremovable?

I did try. When this guy that I liked started having feelings for another girl, I have to admit I was crushed. Crushed to the point where I felt like I was nothing. I looked in the mirror and I saw myself as an ugly, fat, disgusting, poofy-eyed chinese girl. That was the moment I realized the world did not revolve around me. I took everything for granted before, because I could easily get good marks without trying, easily get guys to like me without trying.

Life isn't supposed to always work out the way I wanted. How could it? God would simply be favoring me over the other 6.5 billion people in this world.

Don't feel sorry for me because it was my fault for telling the guy I liked him when I've already got a boyfriend. How selfish it that eh? See what I mean when I say I'm used to getting what I want? It's a curse I swear.

Then I went through this denial stage where I kept convincing myself "He's stupid, he's a jerk, he's missing out." You know the typical lines that girls run through their heads when they get dumped or something. Yes it did work, it made me feel much better. But I realized putting others down don't make myself any higher, or any better.

I decided to be the bigger person and continue to be friends with him. I'd say hi to him with a big smile even though I was crushed inside. Although I'd get nothing but a measely one or two-word reply, I'd still try.

I'm not used to doing this...espcially since it causes me to feel so vulnerable and desperate which are "keep out" emotions for my personality. But I'm trying.

I've realized the only way to change my spots is to lower my ego, the big fat ego that's been fed big macs ever since gr.5.

We are all born with a flawed personality, some choose to live their life with it, but I think God wants us to defeat it or die trying.